Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
