how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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