I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
