I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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