The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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