Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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