Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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