There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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