This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize