I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
