i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
