I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
