Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
