If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
