Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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