He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
