Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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