covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
