Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
