She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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