I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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