no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
