Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you would pick up someone in the library
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
