I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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