If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize