Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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