Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
