Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
