On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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