You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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