lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
