Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
