it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
