Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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