Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
