SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
