i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
