I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
