omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
