I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
