I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize