I like to think it a success when the cops are called
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
They are going to name an STD after you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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