I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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