I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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