well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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