i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
