Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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