he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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