you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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