you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
