Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
