I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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