that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
