dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
