And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
