let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Randomize
