Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
