I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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