I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
