So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i will never coherently bang her
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
