i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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