My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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