Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
