when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
