I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
