you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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