Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
