If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
