We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
