Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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