Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
