Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
