My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
